I’ve been spending the last few days taking stock of what I do and why I do it.
I do a lot of “stuff”. I write poetry, I make pictures (photos, altered photos, mixed media etc. etc), I make curio, journals…… I’ve wrestled with my restlessness thinking I should pick one thing and follow through with it so I can have some measure of success. (whatever success is – but that is a topic for later)
And then I realized that my multiple interests were not the problem. The way I looked at them was. I was too wrapped up in fearing what other people thought. I was embarrassed when people asked what i did – the list was too long! How could I dare to do all these different things? Was I a jack/jill of all trades, master of none?
After some soul searching: it’s not about that kind of mastering, it’s about mastering my self (yes, two words for emphasis). Mastering comes out of paying attention, learning and doing.
It’s about who I am and what I do.
So today I’m going to “stop it”. Stop the hesitation, stop the saying of “later” and “someday”. I’m going to learn to push through the discomfort and move into the comfort of being my self.
I know this has the sound of “finding myself” but I never lost myself. I think it has more to do with honouring and acknowledging all parts of myself even when those parts feel outside of the mainstream and what I am “supposed to be doing”.
I have always been what I am. I have always been my self. It is less of a finding and more of an affirmation.
I am.
I created this mixed media piece “outside herself”, wrote from it, hung the piece on a wall then walked away from it. I didn’t see what I was telling my self at the time. Today I revisit it and declare it to be the start of a new series and a new way of being in the world.
outside herself
words free float
reform into different ideas
languages
forms
all she needs
to do
is inhale
to bring back
her self